As mentioned in my 'Steve's Soapbox' section on Portsmouth Live TV several weeks ago, here's the full list of viewer defined cliches from 25 years of EastEnders.
Hilarious it truly is!
1. Janine is barred from the Vic at least once a month. Lines like 'Go on, sling yer hook!' and 'Get out you lying little tart!' are essential - if she resists, she must be flung out the doors. Bonus points if she ends up falling, if she does so someone then has to walk past saying 'Just where you belong Janine, in the gutter', before swanning off like they're so much better!
2. In Walford, your 100 times more likely to die or have one of your guests die/get severely injured on the day of your wedding than in any other place. You go from wedding to wedding not even aware of this obvious statistic.
3. Ian Beale will lick his lips in almost every scene he's in, Max Branning will shuffle his feet, Phil Mitchell will deflate at least once, and Ronnie Branning will stare into space like a robotic zombie per episode.
4. References to Pat the prostitute (which happened 100 years ago!) will crop up every so often.
5. Nobody even mentions the astounding similarities between Jodie Gold and Billy's ex Honey!
6. Dot will struggle to say Mr Pappadoppawappanoppalos and call Zainab 'Mrs Masmood' - before telling us she doesn't like to gossip before doing just that and quoting from the bible.
7. Nobody has a washing machine.
8. Everybody only goes to The Vic.
9. Somebody has to die or get married or have a baby at Christmas.
10. Anyone who has a baby in Eastenders will never have to look after them themselves. In fact, they can go to work, drink in The Vic, go to the beauty salon or have a night out at the R&R just as if they were single and childless.
11. There are always mysterious babysitters available to mind these forgotten children at any time of the day and night.
12. You can plan a Christmas wedding in about 2 days and everyone will be able to come.
13. Phil Mitchell will always be able to get you £10,000 at short notice but the minute he needs money himself he usually struggles.
14. When people move out they take all their belongings in a small case.
15. If a couple goes out for dinner they always choose the Argee Bhagee.
16. Each member of the Mitchell family has to mention it on a monthly basis.
17. Men such as Michael and Jack always wear suits even when they're just going to the cafe.
18. The "glamour pusses" such as Tanya and Vanessa don't own a pair of jeans/trainers/tracksuit bottoms.
19. People sit in their work clothes and shoes even in their own house when watching the tv.
20. People don't work or do a few shifts in the pub/launderette a week, yet can afford London rental prices no problem.
21. Heather will wear a headband/smock top/forlorn expression in every scene.
22. Ricky will look dazed and confused and utter "Pat" in a quizzical voice at every opportunity.
23. Any non-drinkers will drink nothing but orange juice - don't even think of asking for a coke/lemonade/tonic water.
24. After a major story has been revealed, the accused person will always have to walk through a massive crowd, with them watch his/her every move.
25. People going to the caff for all their meals, despite living round the corner
26. If you're upset you must go and sit on Aurthur's bench until someone takes pity on you even if it's late at night. An alternative, especially for the yougsters, is the tyre swing.
27. You can look 'everywhere' for someone only to find them in the cafe or Vic
28. The obligatory shouting/slanging match/revelation reveal in the middle of The Vic which leads to the jukebox mysteriously turning itself off
29. R&R is the go to club where a character goes if they want to get very very drunk and make a fool of themselves
30. Nobody ever finishes a drink, they always leave an inch or so in the bottom of the glass when they leave.
31. You never go to Tescos/Morrisons/Asda to do a "big shop" - you instead pay the inflated prices of the minute mart and never buy more or less than two carrier bags full.
32. You can get any job without any kind of formal application. Noone signs a contract and anyone can get hired and fired within minutes.
33. No one needs qualification/experience to get a job.
34. Contracts don't need to be signed during sales and transfers of properties.
35. Doctors handing out medications out to patients out of GP practice.
36. Everyone needs to do at least one shift at Beale's caff.
37. Anyone will be asked to babysit anyone's baby.
38. Most houses have unlimited number of bedrooms.
39. Everyone shops at the minute mart, which seems to stock everything and anything.
40. Giving someone £20 can enable them to pay a month's rent.
41. Most people don't have to work in order to afford living in London.
42. The new doctor will arrive and everyone will praise them for being such a well-respected pillar of the community - but they never realise this doctor will either be a raging nutcase or will end up sleeping with half of the people living in the area within their first 6 months in the job.
43. If you're thinking about anyone, simply look out of your window and they'll be there, and you'll probably make eye contact. The upstairs window of the Vic is particularly good for this.
44. You can leave a total stranger in charge of your market stall.
45. Police will take about 3 years to turn up if there's been a murder or any other serious crime. For lesser crimes they get there within 3 seconds.
46. No matter how skint you are, you will always have money to drink in the vic and eat in the cafe.
From http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1463814
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